Top Way's to Fracture Your Sex Life & Marriage

I recently spoke at a local Mops group, and wanted to share my notes with any of you who may read my blog.

I hope and pray that it encourages you.

Let’s talk about “sex”!

When I say the word “sex” many thoughts run through our minds. I asked the ladies what was the first thing that went thru their mind and here are a few responses..

"Who has time?"

"What's that?"

"Do I have to ?"

"That was quick!"

"We used to do that!"

My heart is so sad that this was the popular opinion of the women. It doesn't have to be.

“Sex” is not a dirty word and we have to talk about sex in church. Let’s get real, the world (media, movies, internet, etc.) talks about it. The 2nd best place to talk about it is in church. The most important place should be in your home with your spouse.

God created sex.

Genesis 1:24-28 (NIV)

24 And God said, “Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: the livestock, the creatures that move along the

ground, and the wild animals, each according to its kind.” And it was so. 25 God made the wild animals according to their kinds,

the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw

that it was good.

26 Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the

birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

27 So God created mankind in his own image,

in the image of God he created them;

male and female he created them.

28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the

sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

Ways to fracture Your Marriage & Sex Life.

* Withhold sex & intimacy in your marriage

1 Corinthians 7:5 (NLT)

⁵ Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

What is your favorite resteraunt ?

So let me ask this ….If you were asked to eat at the same resteraunt every day for the rest of your life and eat the same meal, would one of your expactations be to have that meal timely and consistent ? Compare that to your marriage or rather your sex life, ouch!

"Quantity is a poor substitute for quality. Quantity plays a role, but it is a supporting role, not the leading role."

However as women we need to learn to say "YES" more than we say "NO".

Unconditional Love -

John 13:34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

"When you got married you made an unconditional promise to an imperfect man."

Your husband doesn’t need to earn the gift of sex. It’s not a reward system. It’s a love system. Fill up his love bank.

"In order for a man to reach his wife's body, he must go through her heart.

For a Woman to reach her husband's heart, she must go through his body."

Emerson Eggrich.

*Refuse to Heal From Past Sexual Hurts

his or her porn addiction

past relationships

sexualy molested

1)Realize that the Abuse was the Problem

2)Realize that God is Angry at the Abuse

3)Reframe How You See Sex

4)Talk about it.

You’re an adult now, and it’s up to you whether or not you want to let that abuser/situation keep stealing from you, or whether you’re going to pursue wholeness again. Please pursue wholeness.

* Establish your standard of attraction outside your marriage

Song of Solomon 5:10 (NLT)

¹⁰ My lover is dark and dazzling, better than ten thousand others!

YOU’RE MY STANDARD OF HOT.

Ladies your husband needs to know he is your standard of hotness!

Song of Solomon 7:1 (NLT)

¹ How beautiful are your sandaled feet, O queenly maiden. Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a skilled craftsman.

You are my standard of beauty

People around you need to know your standard of hotness is your husband.

Avoid tempting situations

1 Corinthians 6:18 (NLT)

¹⁸ Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.

Let other people know your standard & invite them to keep you accountable. They won’t keep you accountable if they don’t know you want them to.

Psalm 51:6 (NIV)

⁶ Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.

* Be best-friends or form close relationships with opposite sex

Genesis 2:18 (MSG)

¹⁸God said, "It's not good for the Man to be alone; I'll make him a helper, a companion.

Song of Solomon 5:16 (NLT)

¹⁶ His mouth is sweetness itself; he is desirable in every way. Such, O women of Jerusalem, is my lover, my friend.

* Flirting (body part talking, jokes about sex)

* Facebook– Share passwords, emotional needs met thru fbook, should be meet thru your spouse. Always starts innocently.

* Start discussing Marriage issues with opposite sex.

* Value doing Everything Together

* Guard Interactions – Being alone with opposite sex in a private place, Won’t ride in a car alone with opposite sex, Counsel with opposite sex alone.

When you have interaction with the opposite sex it’s never harmless. Your Emotions will attach and your husband will not be able to meet those and you’ll have a wall up no matter how hard you try. Your sex life will be affected.

*Shut God out of our lives & relationships.

Hebrews 13:4 (NLT)

⁴ Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.

*Emasculate Him by not giving him respect.

Show him honor by respect. That's a top need for him.

So often we belittle him, emasculate him, humiliate him, talk negative to family and friends.

It doesn’t matter if your husband has earned it or if he deserves it or if you don’t feel like it.

Show him honor by respecting him.

Some of you are praying your husband will come to church, well quit talking trash about him and maybe he will. Speak life over him.

Doesn’t matter feel like it or wether he has earned it. It’s biblical; Eph. 5:33 "and the wife must respect her husband."

Too many of us have virtually no respect for what a husband really needs, but we have unlimited respect for our own needs. And we’re not only hurting our husbands–we’re hurting ourselves.

We judge ourselves by our intentions. We judge our spouses by their actions. No wonder we think we’re better!

When your husband feels respected your sex life will launch thru the roof.

*Create a Child Centered Marriage

Child-centered marriage is a recipe for disaster. Teach children early that their “happiness” is not Mom or Dad’s reason for living.

Never think that you are doing your children a favor by prioritizing them over your husband.

Your husband was there before your kids, and will be there when there gone. Where will your marriage be ?

And the 2 will become 1. What God has put together let no man seperate.

1)Top Priority is Jesus.

2)Then your spouse.

*Don’t Pray Over HIm

When you don't pray over your husband you allow so many things to become priority.

Here is a thirty day guide to pray over your husband.

Creative Friends Wanted.

So we are in the home stretch to Christmas, my most favorite time of the year! I mean really I could not ooze my excitement all over the blog if I wanted to. Since I was a child I have loved it, and as an adult the meaning and feeling just become deeply rooted over the years.

That brings me to today Monday Night, exactly 6 nights until Christmas!?!?

My husband and I have been in a position for the last 3 years where we have not exchanged gifts to do lack of funds. I think last year we did something small in our stockings, but nothing major. Every year we also get each other Christmas PJ's (ha about the only time of year we buy pj's), but not this year.

This is where you come in...

I want to do something creative for my husband that cost $0.00. Is that even possible you ask ? Umm I'm sure I mean there is a few obvious one's that I could do that I won't post on my blog ;)

I have googled, and used Pinterest (I heart that site), but still my creative brain just isn't coming up with anything.

So sweet friends... Have you ever done something like this before ?

If so what have you done ?

I know I will come up with some sort of idea.

This year is really special to me, to do something unique.

You see he has had a growth/cyst for several months, and had it removed.

I only told a few people because my nerves were kinda rattled. I trusted God and knew things were going to be okay, but prayer from other folks totally helps when you feel your on the front of the battlefield ya know.

Well today at his appointment the pathology report came back and that ucky C word that is thrown around way to often was used in a positive light. His body is Free of it!

Thank you Jesus.

I wish it didn't take moments like those to wake you up a bit, but well I'm human and it did.

So can u help me come up with something ???

Yippee can't wait to read your ideas!

P.S. ----> This blog was not asking for $, just asking for ideas!

Friendship Perspective.

I thought this post would take me a few days to write, however as I wrote it, I saw my passion come to life on my keyboard.

This is a very guarded area by many. A touchy don't go there. I am going to go there, even at the risk of offending someone. Why you ask ? Well I get weekly emails from women in minis

try who are lonely and don't feel like they have a friend in the world.

Did you know you can have thousands of people around you and be so alone ? Yes it's possible, and I know this for a fact.

After an email I got tonight, I sat and cried to myself.

Women in ministry are so alone. Big Church, Little Church, it doesn't matter.

I once read that there are people who want to be your friend because you are in leadership and it looks cool. There will be people who DON'T want to be your friend because your in leadership. There are people who will want to be your friend because they don't care about either!

I am sooo blessed to have that best friend! Can I tell you he is my husband.

If your married and your in ministry he is going to be your safest friend.

Now if your like me you want a girlfriend, someone to shop with, get your nails done with go on play dates with. My "other" best friend is In Michigan. She is 1000 miles away. She was someone I prayed for. A gift from God. She reminds me that my Best friend is my husband and doesn't ever try to replace that.

I remember the lonely times before I meet Cheryl and my marriage was not great.

In those moments I wish I had a girlfriend.

Women in ministry can I share with you a secret....

There are soooo many resources out there for you to have a friend.

I have a Girlfriends Blog Roll so you can find like minded women who understand your position. Leading and Loving It is fabulous, plus an awesome church planters website coming soon.

It's going to be up to you to decide if it's safe to have a friend in your church. All churches are different, all people and areas of the country are different. Use the Lord to guide you and pray.

I think it's possible to be a friend to everyone and everyone to be a friend back, but not everyone was made for your living room couch and your intimate thoughts.

So today ladies I encourage you to look around and be a friend. I am here for you and am praying that God would give you the perfect person, even if it's an internet friend 1000 miles away or on the other side of the ocean.

I also encourage you to remember to make your hubby your #1 BFF. He after all was a gift to you.

If you are apart of the body of Christ and have a ministry head a pastor and wife, remember they are genuinely trying to love everyone and while you may not be best friends, it takes an effort on both sides to be friends. They cherish friendships that are genuine, because they are hard to find!

Still makes my heart flutter.

There is something about when my husband sings that makes my heart still flutter.

You know it goes pitter patter....

Still does flips.

We have been going thru some amazingly hard times that are shaping us and molding us.

We have been stripped down to the bare bones so to speak.

Great salary down to just our needs being supplied.

Having amazing friends to now pouring into the unloved, hurting and new christians.

Counting the cost everyday of the calling that Jesus made is for sure not easy, and not for the weak at heart.

Somedays I feel so incredibly weak. How am I ever going to lead and disciple women older than me ? How am ever going to have enough $ to support our family. How can our children thrive here in this city? Here is the thing though.... Our family was called. God thought highly enough of me, my husband, and our children.

Sometimes the vehicle to the calling changes and God uses different modes to get there. I have grown up enough in my walk of faith to know that as long as I'm obedient and my family walks in his will, we are good.

I love my husbands heart on this song...

I hope it blesses you, but more than that I hope that you desire to say "I am Yours".

"I Am Yours" Worship Blast (Pt2) from Benjamin Scott on Vimeo.

It's the little things.

Today my hubby is running to the store for me.

On the list is something special for him :)

Just a little thanks for running to the store for me.

That's all.

Time to Vent.

One of my favorite versus is 1 Corinthians 13:11-13

~We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long until the weather clears and the sun shines bright. We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us...but for right now, until that completeness, we have 3 things to do….

Trust steadily in God. Hope unswervingly. Love extravagantly. And the best of the 3 is love.

If you read my blog you will know that I started a challenge with myself to say something everyday about my husband or something uplifting about him on facebook for each day of the year.

He actually goes looking for it... and if I forgot ( I have), he asks me did I miss it ? It's not because he has a big ego or needs to be fluffed up, however it's something he looks forward to. Kind of like Christmas when you check the mail hoping for a Christmas card!

I have had a few reactions to my postings. Most are positive, but you know there is always someone that you can tell or has commented that is hurt, offended, or has something to say.

I understand that I am a blessed women to have a great husband, awesome father to my children, and spiritual leader of our home. I would like to say that it has not always been that way.

I remember days where we would be screaming at each other and fighting. Day's where I felt alone raising children because he was to busy or just wasn't into it. He didn't really have a father who "played" with him, but did show him and guide him spiritually. He had to learn how to help in the house and to be a daddy and husband.

NOT EASY IF YOUR MARRIED TO ME!!

I feel for women who are married and not happy. It makes me sad. I was one of those women.

There is something YOU can do if your one of those women.

PRAY*PRAY*PRAY*PRAY*PRAY*PRAY*PRAY

That is something that is life changing, earth shattering and will move your situation.

I'm going to be blunt, but please know it's in LOVE.

Being Sad.

Being Lonely.

Being Depressed.

Being Repetitive (doing the same thing and getting no where)(or repeating your story over and over)

Is all okay to do that.... however you can't stay there!!!!

I wish there was a crystal ball to show you God has it under control.

God knows!!! He is greater!!!!

So with that being said... if your one of those women who wishes your husband would

get a job

stop being lazy

help with the kids

take you on dates

go to church

play with the kids

lead your family spiritually

find Jesus

would clean up after himself

would stop drinking

would stop doing drugs

you get the picture.

Get a piece of paper out, write a Dear Hubby Letter (don't worry you don't need to give it to him).

I want you to write a letter explaining everything you want form him in love.

Then here's what you have to do:

Dear Jesus ~ Please change my expecations of my marriage. Anything I hoped or dreamed of is yours and I ask that you would give me a new desires for my husband a new love, passion and that you Jesus would change me first.

Then I think it's okay to list specific things that you would like starting with things like his salvation, or coming to church as a family. Pray that God would stir those things in his heart, and would send a Godly man into his life.

Lastly Ladies it's easy to avoid our hubbies when we feel they aren't being there for us or giving us what we need. What you need to do and where you need to be is with your man.

That means on all levels.

It's easy to withhold but I urge you to go above and beyond... even when you don't want to.

Out and About.

The current temporary residence of my family is in North Carolina @ The Great Wolf Lodge.

Our amazing church family gave our family a gift certificate for Christmas!

We are having a blast!! We used to go to the one in Michigan so this has been a "feels like Michigan" trip.

The kids are loving sleeping in their little cabin, and enjoying their own "tv" at night time.

I am enjoying playing with them in the waterpark, watching them play the WII, and eating some yummy food!

On another note I'm trying to think of a great way to do the 365 days of encouraging your man, so we can all encourage each other to continue to do this!!! Something on a weekly basis where we all check in and say it's going great or something like that.

365 Days.

Ever been with a group of women and they have nothing nice to say about the men in their life... specifically their husbands ??? I have. It drives me crazy!

I have an amazing husband! Amazing. Do we always agree... NOPE. Do we argue... YUP. Do we still love each other... Absolutely!!

So if you are friends with me on facebook you will see me post something about my hubby for the next 365 day's.

I think other women need to know it's okay to speak life over your husband and to say things that make him feel loved and special. I think doing it in a public manner will help other women to look for the good in their man, and I think it will help show the healthy marriage you can truly have, if you really try.

I am not great with words, but I'm going to take the next 365 days to do my best to make known how great my hubby is.

So tell me... what do you love about your husband ????

My man is better than your man...

Seriously our smiles here are cracking me up! This was waiting to get on the monorail @ Disney. I think we were happier than our kids to be in Disney! I'm still soooo grateful for the friends who sent us there!

The reason for this post... My man.

This post was meant for October but um life happened and this post didn't make it.

I wanted to just say a few things about him.

He loves me unconditionally, even when I act like a selfish brat (oh come on you do it to).

He has help my hands up and stood by my side thru post part-um depression not once but twice, and helped pray me thru so it didn't happen a third time.

He does his best to meet my needs.

He leads our family with integrity.

Is not afraid of failure, and not afraid to show that to people.

He is genuine.

He makes me laugh although i am more of the prankster in our home.

He puts up with my jokes!

When we moved he didn't second guess the call of God to start a church.

He is doing an amazing job helping with our kids while I have to work part time.

He loves people with his whole heart.

He is an amazing singer but more than that anointed.

Passionate.

Humble.

He is real.

He's not afraid to get his hands dirty and serve.

He helps with laundry!!!!

He puts my wants and desires before his.

The list goes on and one, but really his heart and love for Jesus is the top one.

I love you babe and i'm proud to call you mine!

Simplicity.

I love how my life is so Simple.

This weekend my hubby and I were blessed with a trip away to North Carolina.

Yes it was for ministry but we still got to sneak away.

Hotel, Dinner, dreaming and planning and just some alone time.

Plus i got to be with my hubby while he did what he was anointed to do;lead worship.

We had a great church service on Sunday.

Then after church we enjoyed the beauty of the lakes around us.

Swam a bit. Snow cones. Live music, which happened to be my brother in law.

Today we enjoyed Simplicity.

Swimming. Cookout.Family.

Sounds busy. Yup

But it was simple fun.

Investing in our marriage,in our children, in our ministry.

What do you need to make Simple ?

Pretty Please!!!

Hey guys this is so beyond simple.

My husband Benjamin Scott posted a video on Youtube and needs you to simply click the link and watch him sing... not to hard. I don't think you even need to watch the whole thing , however I think you would want to!

If you would leave a comment that would be awesome too!

They are narrowed down to the top 5 with the most views and then the production staff at The Fish 104.7 will pick a winner to open up for the Celebrate Freedom Concert in September. We would also win $10,000 for our new church that we just started, and to say that this would help would be an understatement! We would also win $10,000 for our family which would also be a huge help right now!

You can go watch everyday (I believe), but really the goal is to spread it to others who have never heard it so if you could repost the link to your friends that would really help!

Thank you all so much!!!

Here is the Link to the Youtube Video

You may have to copy and paste the link..

Oh and if you leave me a comment telling me you watched i may have a surprise drawing for a prize!

what's in your bedroom ?

Uh huh... we're going there ladies!

I have felt convicted over the last few weeks about my bedroom, my safe place, my adult space. Somehow it always gets my attention LAST. It's the catch-all. It's out of sight, out of mind. I take everything there: the laundry, the miscellaneous papers...

One morning I woke up and realized that this place - where I'm supposed to feel safe and wake up feeling rejuvenated - was stressing me out.

I have to share my bedroom with my office/business. I design jewelry, and also sell Scentsy and run a lot of the church administrative roles. A lot of times this alone makes my bedroom look like a bomb went off. To continue Reading.........CLICK HERE

3 In 1.

Our anniversary was back in May and so was Mother's Day. This coming weekend is Father's Day. We have been so busy and have not had time to celebrate so we decided to celebrate all 3 in 1. Shark-boy's Events yesterday's almost kept us from going away. With an all clear from the Dr. and an EEG not until next week, we felt peace about leaving for our getaway.

We snuck off to Six Flags Water Park and played like kids all day on water slides, sipped smoothies and relaxed in the lazy river (well not so lazy river).

Then we went back to our hotel and took a little nap, got cleaned up and headed to dinner.

After dinner we paid $10 to get into Stone Mountain Park. This was were I first hung out with his family several years ago when we were dating... okay more like 9 years ago!

We got there at night and just as the Laser /Firework show on the mountain was going to start...

Went back to hotel and slept in until this morning... so nice to do.

Hit up a little town called Madison and went and did some window shopping in the historical district.

It was a great time away, for us and our kids.

You know the best gift you can give your kids ? A healthy marriage. Can we really afford to get away like that... No not really, however we made a way. Sacrificed other areas to invest in our marriage... Because it's worth it and important...

How about you, what do you do to keep your marriage healthy and kicking ???

My Husband Rocks Friday.

So I'm totally stealing this from Amber :)

She post every Friday why her hubby rocks. So i thought i would do it today :)

This past week has been full of fun and adventure, and new and exciting things! While i'm helping him get the job done, sometimes it's not with such a pleasant heart.

Right now my wonderful husband is putting up with my mood swings from moving, my temper tantrums about home schooling and overall just me trying to embrace what God is doing in our life. He is such a sweet and kind man. He doesn't ask me to do anything out of reasonable limits, he loves me unconditionally, and he loves all around him. Just as i was typing this he called to ask me if i knew where our jumper cables where, somehow they jumped out of the car... i thought instantly how can our van be having any trouble and it wasn't ours... he stopped to help someone on the side of the road. He has an agenda today, but i love how he is so flexable, and just rolls with things (unlike um cough cough me :) .

I love you sweetheart, even when i'm being a hormonal women!

Pastor Appreciation.

Top 10 reasons i love my pastor dude :)

*He's an amazing singer but his heart is better <3
*He is an amazing husband and puts my needs and desires first.
*He loves his children with all his heart.
*He has the coolest hair ever...
*He can dance even if it is goofy
*He's not afraid to show his sensitive side.
*He married me and wasn't afraid of my past
*He has fought for our marriage even when it was hard.
*He is real and one of the best leaders/preachers/speakers i have heard
*He loves Jesus with all his heart and is willing to risk it all to see a city won for Jesus, and he is bringing me along.

I love you babe and your an awesome amazing leader <3