Date Night.

I love that at our new church we have a date night. Random couples different each month that get together at different restaurants and enjoy getting to know each other, eat yummy food, and mostly enjoy time with our spouse. Then we head to Starbucks and chat some more.

What are some of your favorite date nights ? Do you have a favorite restaurant ? How often do you get a date night out ? Sometimes I know you have to be creative and have date night in when the kids are in bed, so tell me what do you like to do at home when you can't go anywhere?

Fractured Fairytales

Last February my husband and I did a series titled "Love Struck." I think the enemy is always after our marriages, but lately I have been hearing it a lot. So I wanted to post some notes from our week#3 Fractured Fairy Tales.

Ways to Fracture Your marriage.

So often we are told the do not's and thou shalt not so her is your 100% honest truth guide to fracturing your marriage.

Because of the facade of “happily ever-after”, we get disenchanted with love and marriage.

We want OUT when it is not what we thought it was or wanted.

60% of men report having one affair in their lives

40% of women report having one affair in their lives

Things we say...

But you don’t understand what I am going through.

I am not happy.

He/she does not meet my needs.

He does not cherish me.

She does not believe in me.

He does not listen to me.

She does not understand me.

I am not compatible with him/her.

What is common among these statements? (I, me, mine - selfishness, self-centeredness)

Marriages end because of selfishness! Not to negate the feelings and hurt, but the root is selfishness,

Because of our lack of perfection, we sabotage the “love” in our relationships

So here are the Top 5 reasons we felt you could sabotage your marriage.

#1 - Withhold intimacy in your marriage

1 Corinthians 7:5 (NLT)

5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a

limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

No reason to really have to say much about this, without intimacy things are going to fall apart.

We all realize the saying, that most women are like crackpots and men are like microwaves, so in your marriage you need to communicate and discuss when intimacy works best.

#2 - Establish your standard of attraction outside your marriage.

Song of Solomon 7:1 (NLT)

1 How beautiful are your sandaled feet, O queenly maiden. Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a

skilled craftsman.

Men, women need to know that they are your standard of beauty; not porn, not the hot cheerleaders on the football screen YOUR WIFE IS THE STANDARD OF BEAUTY IN YOUR LIFE!

Women your husband needs to know that he is your standard of HOT! That the newest hottest celebrity isn't who your lusting over but your husband is all YOU NEED and DESIRE! He is your standard of Hot!

Avoid tempting situations

1 Corinthians 6:18 (NLT)

18 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality

is a sin against your own body.

Let other people know your standard, when they do they know your marriage isn't breakable, and they have no place!

#3 - Get rid of Accountability & Lose Ridiculous Honesty

That really requires no explanation. If you don't hold each other accountable or have friends that speak into your life you will have a much harder time keeping the straight and narrow.

If you can't speak the truth, and you find yourself lying about simple things your marriage is headed for destruction.

#4 - Be best friends or form relationships with the opposite sex.

* Flirting (body part talking, jokes about sex)

* Facebook. A good friend who is a marriage counselor told us his business will be well as long as their is Facebook; It is keeping me in business – Share your Passwords, know each other's friends. Emotional needs are being met thru facebook. Starts innocently but turns into disaster.

* Start discussing Marriage issues with opposite sex. Did you know that venting is not biblical….??? True story.

* Value doing Everything Together.

* Guard Interactions – Being alone with opposite sex in a private place, Won’t ride in a car alone with opposite sex, Counsel

with opposite sex alone, Set boundaries BEFORE things spin out of control.

So in a nutshell, Flirt, don't share passwords to email and facebook, Find your emotional need with opposite sex, Be alone and in places where things can happen. Do all of those things and truly you will ruin your marriage.

If your being 100% honest with your spouse sharing passwords is not big deal.

Last but most important

#5 - Shut God Out.

It's so easy to get "busy" with life, that you forget to bring God with you. When God isn't with you all of the above 4 things will creep in and you will be unaware.

Withdraw from church, friends, life groups. Replace with Sunday activities for your kids and you will see that those things will get value.

I'm not saying "church" is a must, but it's so important to refueling, getting teaching and community.

Shut God out of your marriage and you are doomed.

If you are going thru a hard time in your life feel free to email me @ girlfriendwithapurpose@gmail.com . I don't need to know what's going on just say Hey it's me and my husband and I will cover you.

Don't give up! Some of the best marriages I know of have went thru hell and back and hell again before they were amazing!

Sunday Night Meltdown.

Last Sunday I had a conversation with a friend at Starbucks, and we got onto the topic briefly about being raw. I said sometimes I leave blogs in "waiting" or on "hold" until I have gotten over the emotion of what I was writing about and can read over it again, and change the tone.

Today I ask myself is that being real, or is that having wisdom ?

I am going to dare to say it's a bit of both.

So I have decided that your going to get a raw me on Sunday Nights.

When I'm tired.

When I'm emotional.

When I don't have much left.

Why ? Because that's the real me.

Maybe just maybe it will reach out to someone, who thinks they have to hide....

thinks they have to carry it all.

Maybe it's just for me.

So Sunday Meltdown 2/20/11

Creating a culture of people who willing will serve is difficult. We do have some awesome volunteers and I can't wait to see God bring us the ones we are praying for.

Children's Ministry is an area that I think will be ever growing, ever changing and ever evolving. Did you know that I don't feel "Called" to Children's Ministry ?

What I do feel called to is serving in a capacity that God needs me to, which means serving in Children's Ministry and other areas to allow others to be in service.

Did you know I'm not perfect and make mistakes in this area ?

Yup.

We are praying feverishly for God to provide for our needs in this area. We are needing to split to 3 rooms, and need more workers, and we would love to hire a children's/family Pastor. I love this problem. It means we have the opportunity to speak into the lives of children every week.

Will you pray for some solutions to this problem ???

So although I don't feel called I do what I need to do to make it work, and help create an environment where the children can thrive and learn about Jesus.

Okay enough about our awesome children!

Sunday's sermon: Put A Ring On It.

I actually saw this sermon title last year, and forgot about it, but as my husband and I were working on our Love Struck series this title came back to my mind and just fit.

The sermon was on SEX.

Yup we went there. So many people are shocked that this would be discussed in church but guess what EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE else is talking about. So why not know what God says about it ???

We established the Marriage and the Marriage bed and what God intended.

We went over pain,shame,regrets.

We talked about how it's not a bad word and how it is intended to be a beautiful thing when used in it's proper context.

We gave several ways to keep to a commitment and to honor God.

Did I mention my hubby and I did this together ??? It was really fun, and only a little awkward. (His parents come to our church)

Then we decided to help be the solution. When we looked around us, talked to couples and heard what they all had to say we knew that offering a wedding was the best option. So many say it cost to much, just not sure where to start.

So this summer WE ARE HAVING A WEDDING!!!

We will be doing pre-marital counseling for any of the couples who are wanting to honor God with their commitment.

Then we will be providing Wedding Decorations....

A Cake.

Invitations to send out.

Flowers to carry.

We will also be providing a photographer.

Why are we doing this....

So many churches want to point out the sin...

Point out how awful you may be for having sex...

For living with someone...

We want to point you to the truth...

We want to help you honor and follow God...

We want to take you back to your

"Once Upon A Dream"

It's the little things.

Today my hubby is running to the store for me.

On the list is something special for him :)

Just a little thanks for running to the store for me.

That's all.

Time to Vent.

One of my favorite versus is 1 Corinthians 13:11-13

~We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long until the weather clears and the sun shines bright. We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us...but for right now, until that completeness, we have 3 things to do….

Trust steadily in God. Hope unswervingly. Love extravagantly. And the best of the 3 is love.

If you read my blog you will know that I started a challenge with myself to say something everyday about my husband or something uplifting about him on facebook for each day of the year.

He actually goes looking for it... and if I forgot ( I have), he asks me did I miss it ? It's not because he has a big ego or needs to be fluffed up, however it's something he looks forward to. Kind of like Christmas when you check the mail hoping for a Christmas card!

I have had a few reactions to my postings. Most are positive, but you know there is always someone that you can tell or has commented that is hurt, offended, or has something to say.

I understand that I am a blessed women to have a great husband, awesome father to my children, and spiritual leader of our home. I would like to say that it has not always been that way.

I remember days where we would be screaming at each other and fighting. Day's where I felt alone raising children because he was to busy or just wasn't into it. He didn't really have a father who "played" with him, but did show him and guide him spiritually. He had to learn how to help in the house and to be a daddy and husband.

NOT EASY IF YOUR MARRIED TO ME!!

I feel for women who are married and not happy. It makes me sad. I was one of those women.

There is something YOU can do if your one of those women.

PRAY*PRAY*PRAY*PRAY*PRAY*PRAY*PRAY

That is something that is life changing, earth shattering and will move your situation.

I'm going to be blunt, but please know it's in LOVE.

Being Sad.

Being Lonely.

Being Depressed.

Being Repetitive (doing the same thing and getting no where)(or repeating your story over and over)

Is all okay to do that.... however you can't stay there!!!!

I wish there was a crystal ball to show you God has it under control.

God knows!!! He is greater!!!!

So with that being said... if your one of those women who wishes your husband would

get a job

stop being lazy

help with the kids

take you on dates

go to church

play with the kids

lead your family spiritually

find Jesus

would clean up after himself

would stop drinking

would stop doing drugs

you get the picture.

Get a piece of paper out, write a Dear Hubby Letter (don't worry you don't need to give it to him).

I want you to write a letter explaining everything you want form him in love.

Then here's what you have to do:

Dear Jesus ~ Please change my expecations of my marriage. Anything I hoped or dreamed of is yours and I ask that you would give me a new desires for my husband a new love, passion and that you Jesus would change me first.

Then I think it's okay to list specific things that you would like starting with things like his salvation, or coming to church as a family. Pray that God would stir those things in his heart, and would send a Godly man into his life.

Lastly Ladies it's easy to avoid our hubbies when we feel they aren't being there for us or giving us what we need. What you need to do and where you need to be is with your man.

That means on all levels.

It's easy to withhold but I urge you to go above and beyond... even when you don't want to.

Out and About.

The current temporary residence of my family is in North Carolina @ The Great Wolf Lodge.

Our amazing church family gave our family a gift certificate for Christmas!

We are having a blast!! We used to go to the one in Michigan so this has been a "feels like Michigan" trip.

The kids are loving sleeping in their little cabin, and enjoying their own "tv" at night time.

I am enjoying playing with them in the waterpark, watching them play the WII, and eating some yummy food!

On another note I'm trying to think of a great way to do the 365 days of encouraging your man, so we can all encourage each other to continue to do this!!! Something on a weekly basis where we all check in and say it's going great or something like that.

Shocked. Sad. Not Surprised.

So last week I posted this poll and out of the 87 plus of you that follow my blog and the 1000 or so that hit it weekly only 20 of you took the poll.

My heart was so sad to see the results.

The question was: "What is the biggest area that is hurting your marriage ?"

This was geared more towards ministry women but really goes for anyone.

40 % said Lack of $

30 % said Disconnected

25% said Ministry taking up to much time

5% of you said Young Children.

Which one am I shocked over you ask ? That only 5% of you say young children and 30% said disconnected...

I would like to hear your take on this. Click anonymous or send me an email girlfriendwithapurpose@gmail.com

I have a couple post that will be coming up to hopefully hit on these topics! Love you girls and please know that your not alone!!

My man is better than your man...

Seriously our smiles here are cracking me up! This was waiting to get on the monorail @ Disney. I think we were happier than our kids to be in Disney! I'm still soooo grateful for the friends who sent us there!

The reason for this post... My man.

This post was meant for October but um life happened and this post didn't make it.

I wanted to just say a few things about him.

He loves me unconditionally, even when I act like a selfish brat (oh come on you do it to).

He has help my hands up and stood by my side thru post part-um depression not once but twice, and helped pray me thru so it didn't happen a third time.

He does his best to meet my needs.

He leads our family with integrity.

Is not afraid of failure, and not afraid to show that to people.

He is genuine.

He makes me laugh although i am more of the prankster in our home.

He puts up with my jokes!

When we moved he didn't second guess the call of God to start a church.

He is doing an amazing job helping with our kids while I have to work part time.

He loves people with his whole heart.

He is an amazing singer but more than that anointed.

Passionate.

Humble.

He is real.

He's not afraid to get his hands dirty and serve.

He helps with laundry!!!!

He puts my wants and desires before his.

The list goes on and one, but really his heart and love for Jesus is the top one.

I love you babe and i'm proud to call you mine!

Simplicity.

I love how my life is so Simple.

This weekend my hubby and I were blessed with a trip away to North Carolina.

Yes it was for ministry but we still got to sneak away.

Hotel, Dinner, dreaming and planning and just some alone time.

Plus i got to be with my hubby while he did what he was anointed to do;lead worship.

We had a great church service on Sunday.

Then after church we enjoyed the beauty of the lakes around us.

Swam a bit. Snow cones. Live music, which happened to be my brother in law.

Today we enjoyed Simplicity.

Swimming. Cookout.Family.

Sounds busy. Yup

But it was simple fun.

Investing in our marriage,in our children, in our ministry.

What do you need to make Simple ?

Marriage.

Being in the ministry is hard work.

Being married in the ministry is even harder work.

However the basic truths that Dena and I discussed are very real and true to any marriage.

This video is shorter than the one on balance....

I promise!

What do you do to keep your marriage safe ?

Marriage & Ministry from Rachael Scott on Vimeo.

what's in your bedroom ?

Uh huh... we're going there ladies!

I have felt convicted over the last few weeks about my bedroom, my safe place, my adult space. Somehow it always gets my attention LAST. It's the catch-all. It's out of sight, out of mind. I take everything there: the laundry, the miscellaneous papers...

One morning I woke up and realized that this place - where I'm supposed to feel safe and wake up feeling rejuvenated - was stressing me out.

I have to share my bedroom with my office/business. I design jewelry, and also sell Scentsy and run a lot of the church administrative roles. A lot of times this alone makes my bedroom look like a bomb went off. To continue Reading.........CLICK HERE

3 In 1.

Our anniversary was back in May and so was Mother's Day. This coming weekend is Father's Day. We have been so busy and have not had time to celebrate so we decided to celebrate all 3 in 1. Shark-boy's Events yesterday's almost kept us from going away. With an all clear from the Dr. and an EEG not until next week, we felt peace about leaving for our getaway.

We snuck off to Six Flags Water Park and played like kids all day on water slides, sipped smoothies and relaxed in the lazy river (well not so lazy river).

Then we went back to our hotel and took a little nap, got cleaned up and headed to dinner.

After dinner we paid $10 to get into Stone Mountain Park. This was were I first hung out with his family several years ago when we were dating... okay more like 9 years ago!

We got there at night and just as the Laser /Firework show on the mountain was going to start...

Went back to hotel and slept in until this morning... so nice to do.

Hit up a little town called Madison and went and did some window shopping in the historical district.

It was a great time away, for us and our kids.

You know the best gift you can give your kids ? A healthy marriage. Can we really afford to get away like that... No not really, however we made a way. Sacrificed other areas to invest in our marriage... Because it's worth it and important...

How about you, what do you do to keep your marriage healthy and kicking ???

The Power of the Fight ~ Bachelor Edition

There is just something about that show that sucks ya in... yeah i know shame on me for watching such a show. However I find it actually interesting how the whole thing works, how these girls prance around in their bathing suits (if that's what a small piece of fabric is), how they will kiss a guy that is also kissing several of their housemates etc...

One thing I did come up with is these girls will fight, sometimes literally, sometimes using physical power, or their looks or their words to get this man. I wonder what will happen once they get them and they are tired of fighting for their man, when the competition is gone ? How will they keep that fire going when there are no lavish dates and the cameras are gone.

It's kinda the same in our marriages ya know ? We girls work so hard to look good, to eat nice, to make sure the dates are perfect, and to not let our "ugly side" show.

Once you get married the fight is gone... you have the man you have the ring now what ? No one prepares for what it looks like... the good the bad the ugly. What happens when the money bank is dry and you can't go on fun dates, what happens when your not feeling good and the spicy sexy wife isn't feeling that way.

So here is the question ~How do you fight for your marriage ? What do you do to keep that spark going ? How do you stay close when you have kids hanging on ya ? Let's share our ideas and help each other out!