Because of the facade of “happily ever-after”, we get disenchanted with love and marriage.
We want OUT when it is not what we thought it was or wanted.
60% of men report having one affair in their lives
40% of women report having one affair in their lives
Things we say...
But you don’t understand what I am going through.
I am not happy.
He/she does not meet my needs.
He does not cherish me.
She does not believe in me.
He does not listen to me.
She does not understand me.
I am not compatible with him/her.
What is common among these statements? (I, me, mine - selfishness, self-centeredness)
Marriages end because of selfishness! Not to negate the feelings and hurt, but the root is selfishness,
Because of our lack of perfection, we sabotage the “love” in our relationships
1 Corinthians 7:5 (NLT)
5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a
limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
No reason to really have to say much about this, without intimacy things are going to fall apart.
We all realize the saying, that most women are like crackpots and men are like microwaves, so in your marriage you need to communicate and discuss when intimacy works best.
#2 - Establish your standard of attraction outside your marriage.
Song of Solomon 7:1 (NLT)
1 How beautiful are your sandaled feet, O queenly maiden. Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a
Men, women need to know that they are your standard of beauty; not porn, not the hot cheerleaders on the football screen YOUR WIFE IS THE STANDARD OF BEAUTY IN YOUR LIFE!
Women your husband needs to know that he is your standard of HOT! That the newest hottest celebrity isn't who your lusting over but your husband is all YOU NEED and DESIRE! He is your standard of Hot!
Avoid tempting situations
1 Corinthians 6:18 (NLT)
18 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality
is a sin against your own body.
Let other people know your standard, when they do they know your marriage isn't breakable, and they have no place!
#3 - Get rid of Accountability & Lose Ridiculous Honesty
That really requires no explanation. If you don't hold each other accountable or have friends that speak into your life you will have a much harder time keeping the straight and narrow.
If you can't speak the truth, and you find yourself lying about simple things your marriage is headed for destruction.
#4 - Be best friends or form relationships with the opposite sex.
* Flirting (body part talking, jokes about sex)
* Facebook. A good friend who is a marriage counselor told us his business will be well as long as their is Facebook; It is keeping me in business – Share your Passwords, know each other's friends. Emotional needs are being met thru facebook. Starts innocently but turns into disaster.
* Start discussing Marriage issues with opposite sex. Did you know that venting is not biblical….??? True story.
* Value doing Everything Together.
* Guard Interactions – Being alone with opposite sex in a private place, Won’t ride in a car alone with opposite sex, Counsel
with opposite sex alone, Set boundaries BEFORE things spin out of control.
So in a nutshell, Flirt, don't share passwords to email and facebook, Find your emotional need with opposite sex, Be alone and in places where things can happen. Do all of those things and truly you will ruin your marriage.
If your being 100% honest with your spouse sharing passwords is not big deal.
Last but most important
#5 - Shut God Out.
It's so easy to get "busy" with life, that you forget to bring God with you. When God isn't with you all of the above 4 things will creep in and you will be unaware.
Withdraw from church, friends, life groups. Replace with Sunday activities for your kids and you will see that those things will get value.
I'm not saying "church" is a must, but it's so important to refueling, getting teaching and community.
Shut God out of your marriage and you are doomed.
If you are going thru a hard time in your life feel free to email me @ email@example.com . I don't need to know what's going on just say Hey it's me and my husband and I will cover you.
Don't give up! Some of the best marriages I know of have went thru hell and back and hell again before they were amazing!