Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Friendship Perspective.

I thought this post would take me a few days to write, however as I wrote it, I saw my passion come to life on my keyboard.

This is a very guarded area by many. A touchy don't go there. I am going to go there, even at the risk of offending someone. Why you ask ? Well I get weekly emails from women in minis
try who are lonely and don't feel like they have a friend in the world.

Did you know you can have thousands of people around you and be so alone ? Yes it's possible, and I know this for a fact.

After an email I got tonight, I sat and cried to myself.
Women in ministry are so alone. Big Church, Little Church, it doesn't matter.

I once read that there are people who want to be your friend because you are in leadership and it looks cool. There will be people who DON'T want to be your friend because your in leadership. There are people who will want to be your friend because they don't care about either!

I am sooo blessed to have that best friend! Can I tell you he is my husband.
If your married and your in ministry he is going to be your safest friend.

Now if your like me you want a girlfriend, someone to shop with, get your nails done with go on play dates with. My "other" best friend is In Michigan. She is 1000 miles away. She was someone I prayed for. A gift from God. She reminds me that my Best friend is my husband and doesn't ever try to replace that.

I remember the lonely times before I meet Cheryl and my marriage was not great.
In those moments I wish I had a girlfriend.
Women in ministry can I share with you a secret....
There are soooo many resources out there for you to have a friend.
I have a Girlfriends Blog Roll so you can find like minded women who understand your position. Leading and Loving It is fabulous, plus an awesome church planters website coming soon.

It's going to be up to you to decide if it's safe to have a friend in your church. All churches are different, all people and areas of the country are different. Use the Lord to guide you and pray.

I think it's possible to be a friend to everyone and everyone to be a friend back, but not everyone was made for your living room couch and your intimate thoughts.

So today ladies I encourage you to look around and be a friend. I am here for you and am praying that God would give you the perfect person, even if it's an internet friend 1000 miles away or on the other side of the ocean.

I also encourage you to remember to make your hubby your #1 BFF. He after all was a gift to you.

If you are apart of the body of Christ and have a ministry head a pastor and wife, remember they are genuinely trying to love everyone and while you may not be best friends, it takes an effort on both sides to be friends. They cherish friendships that are genuine, because they are hard to find!


Kristy said...

Great post! It's true that the ministry can be a lonely place but it doesn't seem to be for me, so far anyway. My hubby is my best friend, too, which is key and fortuately I also have my mom and sisters pretty nearby. I just wanted to suggest to all the lonely pastor's wives out there that they connect with a pastor's wife of a nearby church (one similar to your own) and offer friendship. If you feel like you need it, she probably does too! And I'd also like to remind ladies that friendship takes effort. You cannot sit around and expect it to come to you. You must be a friend to have a friend. :)

dunlizzie said...

In college I was "one of the guys" with my group of friends. It would be a few years later, when living abroad in an asian culture that didn't understand those relationships that I had to develop my female friendships. Now years later, as I serve in ministry, I can see why God took me through this preparation. While I have many "sisters" I have been so blessed to find those few that I share couch time with. As I don't have a hubby yet, these sisters have been my best friends as we share the details of life's journey. Having them around as that support really does make it easier to be a friend to everyone as they encourage, admonish and support -- not to mention all the laughs!

Elizabeth Bailey said...

That is so true! Thank you for sharing this with us. My husband isn't in "church ministry" but we have served our whole marriage in ministries where he works as an accountant. Sometimes we feel so lonely - those near us involved with the church don't view it as ministry because he is a CPA not a pastor, and people in regular workforce think we are crazy because we aren't with a firm and making money. They just don't understand how we simply want to use his skills to support God's work! Sometimes you just can't win. ;-P Having him as my best friend and living solely for the Lord's approval has made such a difference when I get discouraged!

Dianna said...

I've been praying for 4 years for a girl friend that I can trust, that will work along side of me and more my best friend. I'm still waiting.

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