Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Top Way's to Fracture Your Sex Life & Marriage

I recently spoke at a local Mops group, and wanted to share my notes with any of you who may read my blog.

I hope and pray that it encourages you.

Let’s talk about “sex”!

When I say the word “sex” many thoughts run through our minds. I asked the ladies what was the first thing that went thru their mind and here are a few responses..

"Who has time?"

"What's that?"

"Do I have to ?"

"That was quick!"

"We used to do that!"

My heart is so sad that this was the popular opinion of the women. It doesn't have to be.

“Sex” is not a dirty word and we have to talk about sex in church. Let’s get real, the world (media, movies, internet, etc.) talks about it. The 2nd best place to talk about it is in church. The most important place should be in your home with your spouse.

God created sex.

Genesis 1:24-28 (NIV)

24 And God said, “Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: the livestock, the creatures that move along the

ground, and the wild animals, each according to its kind.” And it was so. 25 God made the wild animals according to their kinds,

the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw

that it was good.

26 Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the

birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

27 So God created mankind in his own image,

in the image of God he created them;

male and female he created them.

28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the

sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

Ways to fracture Your Marriage & Sex Life.

* Withhold sex & intimacy in your marriage

1 Corinthians 7:5 (NLT)

5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

What is your favorite resteraunt ?

So let me ask this ….If you were asked to eat at the same resteraunt every day for the rest of your life and eat the same meal, would one of your expactations be to have that meal timely and consistent ? Compare that to your marriage or rather your sex life, ouch!

"Quantity is a poor substitute for quality. Quantity plays a role, but it is a supporting role, not the leading role."

However as women we need to learn to say "YES" more than we say "NO".

Unconditional Love -

John 13:34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

"When you got married you made an unconditional promise to an imperfect man."

Your husband doesn’t need to earn the gift of sex. It’s not a reward system. It’s a love system. Fill up his love bank.

"In order for a man to reach his wife's body, he must go through her heart.

For a Woman to reach her husband's heart, she must go through his body."

Emerson Eggrich.

*Refuse to Heal From Past Sexual Hurts

his or her porn addiction

past relationships

sexualy molested

1)Realize that the Abuse was the Problem

2)Realize that God is Angry at the Abuse

3)Reframe How You See Sex

4)Talk about it.

You’re an adult now, and it’s up to you whether or not you want to let that abuser/situation keep stealing from you, or whether you’re going to pursue wholeness again. Please pursue wholeness.

* Establish your standard of attraction outside your marriage

Song of Solomon 5:10 (NLT)

10 My lover is dark and dazzling, better than ten thousand others!


Ladies your husband needs to know he is your standard of hotness!

Song of Solomon 7:1 (NLT)

1 How beautiful are your sandaled feet, O queenly maiden. Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a skilled craftsman.

You are my standard of beauty

People around you need to know your standard of hotness is your husband.

Avoid tempting situations

1 Corinthians 6:18 (NLT)

18 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.

Let other people know your standard & invite them to keep you accountable. They won’t keep you accountable if they don’t know you want them to.

Psalm 51:6 (NIV)

6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.

* Be best-friends or form close relationships with opposite sex

Genesis 2:18 (MSG)

18God said, "It's not good for the Man to be alone; I'll make him a helper, a companion.

Song of Solomon 5:16 (NLT)

16 His mouth is sweetness itself; he is desirable in every way. Such, O women of Jerusalem, is my lover, my friend.

* Flirting (body part talking, jokes about sex)

* Facebook– Share passwords, emotional needs met thru fbook, should be meet thru your spouse. Always starts innocently.

* Start discussing Marriage issues with opposite sex.

* Value doing Everything Together

* Guard Interactions – Being alone with opposite sex in a private place, Won’t ride in a car alone with opposite sex, Counsel with opposite sex alone.

When you have interaction with the opposite sex it’s never harmless. Your Emotions will attach and your husband will not be able to meet those and you’ll have a wall up no matter how hard you try. Your sex life will be affected.

*Shut God out of our lives & relationships.

Hebrews 13:4 (NLT)

4 Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.

*Emasculate Him by not giving him respect.

Show him honor by respect. That's a top need for him.

So often we belittle him, emasculate him, humiliate him, talk negative to family and friends.

It doesn’t matter if your husband has earned it or if he deserves it or if you don’t feel like it.

Show him honor by respecting him.

Some of you are praying your husband will come to church, well quit talking trash about him and maybe he will. Speak life over him.

Doesn’t matter feel like it or wether he has earned it. It’s biblical; Eph. 5:33 "and the wife must respect her husband."

Too many of us have virtually no respect for what a husband really needs, but we have unlimited respect for our own needs. And we’re not only hurting our husbands–we’re hurting ourselves.

We judge ourselves by our intentions. We judge our spouses by their actions. No wonder we think we’re better!

When your husband feels respected your sex life will launch thru the roof.

*Create a Child Centered Marriage

Child-centered marriage is a recipe for disaster. Teach children early that their “happiness” is not Mom or Dad’s reason for living.

Never think that you are doing your children a favor by prioritizing them over your husband.

Your husband was there before your kids, and will be there when there gone. Where will your marriage be ?

And the 2 will become 1. What God has put together let no man seperate.

1)Top Priority is Jesus.

2)Then your spouse.

*Don’t Pray Over HIm

When you don't pray over your husband you allow so many things to become priority.

Here is a thirty day guide to pray over your husband.

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