Friday, March 19, 2010

Dear Madalynne ~

Your 7 today! I can't believe how time has flown and today marks a significant day for the both of us. Let me explain to you princess, that your loved so much, that your daddy and I could never imagine our lives without you!

However mommy has not been perfect nor will I ever. You see when you were born we were in a place in our lives that we were being treated wrongly. Your birth was so amazing and it was just daddy and I in the room. There were a few issues that made bonding with you at first not easy to do, and I had a really hard time nursing you, which broke mommy's heart.

We worked thru the issues and within 3 days of being home from the hospital found out we needed to move. That the place that was not treating us right didn't really have a place for our ministry anymore. We were heartbroken moving across the country with no job, and barley any money in savings, but can I tell you what God provided everything. We lived with memaw and papa for a about a month!

We than located to another job where we thought would be better but guess what i learned, I learned that christians are sometimes the meanest people out there. Your mommy was alone and depressed, and was not a typical mommy. Your daddy was run ragged at his job and you and I honestly spent our days driving around eating Large French Fries from MC'D's. That was your man food, and like your third word! I didn't know how to be your mommy. We didn't read books, and go to play groups because I didn't feel i had a place, didn't feel we were welcome. You NEVER slept and we were exhausted. Pretty soon we realized this job wasn't working either and that made mommy even more depressed. Another move.... sigh.

This is how we got to Michigan, the place you love and have called home for so long! You see when we got hired at The Freedom Center you were about to turn 1 and your mommy and daddy were so broken. We were exhausted from not being good parents, wore out from moves and jobs and having no friends or family to help. When we got to The Freedom Center we were embraced, loved and cherished. The people there restored to us what was stolen by so many other church wounds. So princess learn today and forever you belong to him and people will hurt you but your daddy in heaven will never leave you nor forsake you!

Thru the last 6 years you saw mommy battle Post Partum Depression not once but twice, you watched countless arguments with daddy and I, and you still NEVER slept. You watched an angry hurt mommy lean in and trust Jesus. You witnessed so much in the past 6 years of your life.

So why is this year significant.... Well we are back at the beginning. We are planting something new something fresh this year! A brand new church, brand new starts and guess what Princess you have been a major part of it! You have had ideas you have blossomed and grown into a wonderful beautiful daughter. For this first time since you were a baby I feel like you and me get each other. I finally feel like when we hug you feel my love, and not just an empty mommy! I feel i have something to teach you and give you! Although we didn't bond at first God knew that you and I desperately needed each other, to grow through this life. Yes an occasional french fry is still shared in the car, your mommy is now healthy and hole and can pour into you! Now we go raspberry picking and make fresh jam, we freeze corn and you my dear are an excellent crafty chic! You shine like the sun everywhere you go and your have the most beautiful and gentle spirt.

You see the things of the past are making us strong for today! I love you with all my heart princess Madalynne and you will forever be my first born with the most spunk, energy and the biggest heart! You love Jesus with all your heart and your a beautiful example to girls of all ages of what Jesus looks like!

Happy Birthday,

Love your growing , healthy momma!


Denise said...

Happy 7th Birthday Madalynne!! We love you and miss you!
The Hathon clan!

Shash said...

It's award season and so I've awarded you with the Beautiful Blog Award!! xxx thanks for being my comrade, friend and blogging buddy!

Amber said...

Happy Birthday! :)

Rachel Esther said...

Happy birthday!

And thanks Rachael! My book arrived today - so excited to read it!

I blogged it here:

Sara said...

This is beautiful! There is so much of your experience I can relate to. Thank you for sharing this, the ups and downs, and thank you for the testament to Christ. He is there, always, and will pull us from the wreckage at the moment we think we're going to go under.

I will be in prayer for you and your church. I'm so happy you're in a better place.

Emily :) said...

Love the pics! This could be my own blog for my 7 year old. I suffered from depression terribly after she was born and I know that struggle all too well. Praising God today for how far He has brought you and for the grace He shows our sweet babies!!

Anonymous said...

Beautiful and heartfelt post Rachael! I appreciate how honest and real your writing is. My husband and I spent a couple of years in a bad church situation and I know how painful those can be. I'm so glad you are in a place where you can thrive and grow and be yourself. Congrats and thank you for giving all of us a glimpse into your journey thus far! :)

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